Shadow - Monsters, Machines and Mad Scientists!: Episode CXXVI

Ellis opened his eyes and was surprised to find himself lying in a comfortable bed. Not just any be, either - this was a luxury four-poster, complete with silk sheets and soft, fluffy pillows. The bed was in an enormous room, richly decorated, if a bit dusty and standing in the middle of the room, staring at him with a look of subtle amusement, was a tall, blond figure in a white robe.

"Broken-Hope? What are you doing here? In fact... what am I?"

The Fallen allowed his slight smile to widen.

"My name is Ember now," he said with his usual measured articulation, "and you are here, in the Blood Forts of our gracious host, the Vampire Lord Blood Dragon, seeking shelter from a storm, as are we all." The smile approached a grin. "Regardless of circumstances, it is good to have you back."

Ellis tried to think where he'd been. He didn't remember being away. He stared around at the tangled sheets he lay in and wondered if he'd been in some sort of coma. What was the last thing I can remember, he wondered. A theatre and... Siren! Then a darker memory seeped in: Shadedstreams, Tiberius and... Lakhma!

"How long have I been out?" he demanded, pulling himself upright.

"In a manner of speaking, you haven't been yourself for the last three months, or so the others tell me."

"Three months! And I've been asleep all that time?"

"Not really. More a sort of walking fugue state. Your soul was divided and confused. You were just barely functioning as a human being."

The gaps in his memory gradually filled with detail. He remembered Tiberius' revelation - that he was a construct created by Doctor Barkham, he remembered the daze he had been in for the months since, the efforts his friends had made, gradually ignored more and more until there was little left of him operating in the real world. He remembered Siren's words to him in the theatre and felt a pang of guilt.

"Where's Siren?" he asked.

"She's asleep next door. Stepping into another's mind is a very tiring ordeal."

Ellis threw his bed clothes off and staggered to his feet.

"I need to see her!"

"All in good time," Ember replied, his voice calming as ever, "let her rest for now."

Ellis tried to fight down the sense of anxious need which had overcome him, searching his mind for something else to occupy him. After a moment of returning Ember's steady gaze he sat on the edge of the bed, took a deep breath and said,

"Tell me everything I've missed," adding, "please," after a slightly awkward pause.

Ember smiled, stepped closer and began to recount all that had happened in the last three months in a soothing, measured tone. As Ellis listened he began to remember more and more of the events he had experienced in the most passive fashion imaginable. He felt shame at his actions, at leaving his friends to do all the hard work, and when Ember had explained what he had done in Whispercove and the danger that had put them through - without ever making it sound like he was apportioning blame - he was wracked with guilt.

"I can't believe how useless I've been," he said once Ember reached the end of his account and had explained how they had been in the Blood Forts for a few days now, making plans and finding a way to revive him. "I'm so sorry to have put you all to so much trouble."

"You didn't respond in the best way possible, it is true," Ember replied carefully, "but you have been through a lot and your circumstances are, no doubt, extraordinary. It is probably best if you take Siren's pleas to heart. Start anew at this point and find out who you are from there."

"You were listening in?"

"I had to. What appeared to be happening inside your mind was more a projection of both of your unconscious selves inside my own mind. The human brain contains limitless possibility, but, since you are unable to tap most of it, it is difficult to use it for such purposes. The mind of one of my kind is more flexible."

"Then... that theatre... that was all you imagination?"

"Not at all. The theatre was entirely your expression. If I were to guess it was a result of your belief in your own artifice."

"I still don't really know what to make of it all."

"And you won't. It is part of the curse put upon humanity by its own rebellion that individuals can never really be sure of their own identity. Not until they are reconciled to their Creator."

"You want me to reconcile myself to Doctor Barkham? Will that help?"

"That's not what I meant at all, and no, I doubt it will help you very much at all. Your circumstances are different and time and patience will heal much, but, when you're ready, there is more I would tell you."

Ellis stared at the Fallen, perplexed, but there didn't seem to be any more information forthcoming, so, after a while, he stood up.

"I think I'd like to see some of the others now," he said, "do you know where I might find them?"

"The Former Baron will be in the Library with Miss Barkcastle and Lord Blood Dragon, I suspect, Harker and Gulliver are with the rest of the crew in the training room, Rockspark is away, somewhere, as usual, and Annabella will be in her room." He paused, then added, "You should see her first, I think. You will have much to discuss about those things you have in common."

"Like what?"

The Fallen managed something a little like a wry smile as he said, "Go see her and you will find out."

The Blood Forts was a mind boggling place. Technically, as the name suggested it was really several smaller Vampire fortresses joined together by alliance and hostile takeover, covering an area equivalent to a small town. Though Ellis had been there a few days already, he hadn’t been fully conscious during any of his trips through its corridors and halls and even those who had had their wits about them were still struggling. Fortunately Ember had given very clear instructions about how to get to Annabella’s room and as a matter of practical necessity, the extended crew of the absent Ebon Crest had limited their takeover of the Forts to as small an area as possible.

Despite all this, Ellis still managed to take a wrong turn just a few moments away from his own room, resulting in a brief sojourn to the kitchens (where he grabbed some bread) and then a second time a few minutes later resulting in an embarrassing encounter with one of the female members of the crew who was just getting changed out of her training gear. He apologised as quickly as he could, retraced his steps once more and made his way to Annabella’s room correctly on the third attempt.

He knocked gently on the door, fearing another embarrassing interlude, and when a quiet voice told him he could enter, he pushed until it was only slightly ajar, poked his head around and attempted to smile.

“Uh, hi,” he said, “Ember told me I should talk to you.”

Annabella was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor, playing with what appeared to be a kind of Vampire dollhouse. It was draped in various shades of dark velvet and the dolls looked like a Goth collector’s set. She didn’t look up, but appeared engrossed in acting out a scene which was occurring in the miniature kitchen.

“Can I come in?” Ellis asked.

“But Mistress Poppydew, I did everything you asked of me, so why do I have to sleep in the dungeon tonight?” Annabella spoke in a high-pitched voice whilst animated the smallest of the dolls. She then switched to a lower, posher tone and started jiggling the doll in her other hand. “You’re a naughty girl, Clarissa, and I won’t have you sleeping in my nice clean beds. To the dungeons, now, or I’ll set Sabretooth on you!” On cue she dropped Mistress Poppydew and picked up a ragged cat toy, sending it snarling around the perimeter of the house.

Ellis slipped into the room quietly, took a seat on the floor nearby and watched.

“Oh, anything but Sabretooth,” Annabella continued in the voice of little Clarissa, “that cat’s a nasty, stinky, scary cat! I’ll do anything, I promise.”

“You had better, little girl,” Mistress Poppydew said, resuming her position in the kitchen after her unceremonious abandonment by the hand which animated her, “now, to the dungeons and quickly!”

Annabella dropped Mistress Poppydew a second time and then made Clarissa make exaggerated marching movements through the house, down the back stairs and into a black velvet bag propped open nearby.

“And don’t ever come out, you wicked child!” Annabella declared in Mistress Poppydew’s voice, “Nobody loves you, nobody wants you – after all – you’re just a doll!” The bag dropped closed and Annabella stared at it in silence.

Ellis had watched all this with a mixture of fascination and mounting horror, but the moment the pale little girl before him had said that last he had jerked upright. It had sounded so like the words Sarah had spoken to him the last time he saw her; the prophetic words he had had repeated to him in dream after dream since he had arrived in Shadow. You’re just a soulless doll.

He remembered, then, those final moments before Lakhma's return, when Tiberius was mocking them with the inevitability of what was to happen - the moment when Ellis first began to realise the truth about his own existence.

"You're like me, aren't you?" he asked. "That's why Ember sent me to speak to you: you're Tiberius' construct!"

Annabella finally looked up from her dolls. Her dark eyes seemed almost hollow as they stared at him, but there was no expression on her face.

"It's true," she said at last, "I'm not real and neither are you."

Part of Ellis was reeling at the comment, but, to his surprise, he had it under control. Siren believes in me, he thought, the least I can do is try to believe in myself.

"I think..." he said, hesitating," I think you and I are as real as we want to be."

Annabella continued staring at him with those half-hollow eyes, unblinking.

"What if I don't want to be real?" she asked. The innocence in her voice and the bitter hook in her words couldn't have been better juxtaposed.

"Don't you?"

"When Siren found me... I believed I was someone's daughter. I had been sealed away in a dungeon and forgotten about, most likely, but my parents, they had existed and they had loved me. Even to have lost them... that was better than this."

"I... know the feeling," Ellis replied slowly, "but we're not powerless in this world, are we? If we have no past, doesn't that just make it easier to build a future?"

Annabella blinked, then, after a minute of silence, said, "Perhaps."

"For a start, perhaps we do have family."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, even if you discount all the people here who care about us and will do their utmost to protect us, as we would them, there's you and I? We'd never spoken before this day but..."

"Brother?" Her face looked the question and Ellis smiled.

"Yes, little sister."

"We'll see," she replied, but there was a smile on her lips as well.