Episode CXXXVIII - The Fulcrum

Sarah couldn't believe her ears.  Everything was happening so quickly.  First Frostfire, then Dimsun, then Diana and now this: the person they had come to stop, demanding an alliance and offering...  Sarah wasn't sure what the right word would be, but it was just possible that it might be Salvation.

"Well," Barkham demanded, taking another step forward, "what is it going to be?  Are you going to try and kill me and end up like my 'beautiful' daughter over there, or will you help me get out of here?"

Sarah didn't know what the right answer should be.  She tried to think how Thomas might have dealt with the same situation, but the very idea of someone like Thomas in a world like Shadow seemed ridiculous to her.  Until he was actually here there was no way to tell... but perhaps.  She tried to think of all that she had learnt before Christmas, before she was unceremoniously deposited in this world of monsters and madness.  Wasn't a big part of it about mercy?  Wasn't she supposed to be merciful, because of the mercy that had been shown to her, a sinner?  It was all foggy.  She had never had enough training, didn't even have a bible with her on this apparently God-forsaken world, but something about that seemed right.

And yet it also seemed horribly wrong.  All the things Frostfire and Dimsun had told her about the Noble Society and its aims, the things Doctor Barkham had done in the past, Frostfire's reasons for revenge - and then all that she had just seen and heard.  Could she dare show compassion to a woman who seemed to have none herself?  What would happen if they escaped from Fracture alive and Barkham got free from her?  Would she just be unleashing a horror she could have prevented?

"Need I remind you," Doctor Barkham said impatiently, interrupting Sarah's confused thoughts, "that I'm your only way of getting out of Fracture alive as well!  Do you have a way to reach the surface?  And what about my guards - whatever's left of them?  Who will let you past them if not I?"

"I... I have my own strengths!"

"And they were neutralised the moment you entered this building.  Only my hypostatick devices will work in here, girl.  Your Slayer powers are useless."

Sarah felt a jolt of shock and realised that, sure enough, despite all of the high emotion she had just experienced there had been no sense of the hypostatick energy within her trying to rise.  she had long since learned to control it, to bring it out at will, but that didn't mean it didn't try to surface when her blood was stirred.  And yet...

What was she on Shadow without her powers?  She was just a girl, lost and now effectively alone, who didn't know the rules of any of the games she was  playing, willingly or otherwise, surrounded by powerful people who did.  The thought sent a chill of fear down her spine.

There was another explosion outside and the building shook once more, sending yet more shards of glass from the window frames to smash on the carpet.

"Hurry girl!"  Barkham was looking ready to bolt, whether Sarah promised to help her, or not.

There was something else, though, something within her that told her that even without her seemingly supernatural powers, she was far from powerless.  How many times over the last three months had she actually used those powers, and how many more times had she been instrumental in their progress, just like every other part of their team?

I am not helpless, she thought, and even if I am... she let her mind drift to that compartment where her faith was slowly coming to bloom and all the times her wary, nascent prayers had seemed to be answered.  She was not alone, she was almost certain of that.

"What about Diana?" she asked, partly to stall for time, but mostly because she realised she was going to go through with this and that there were going to be consequences.

"We leave her," Barkham replied dismissively, barely even giving her groaning, injured daughter a glance.

"She's my companion… my friend!"

"She'll just slow us down now, besides, do you really think she will let me get out of here alive?  Or you, if you ever decide to help me?"

Sarah started.  The Countess, callous though she was, had a point.  Diana was too much like her mother to back down on her revenge.  If Sarah helped her then she would forever be a traitor in Diana's eyes.  Her indecision returned, but then she remembered Barkham's offer.  The chance to stop Lakhma, to see Ellis again, to go home.

Oh God, she prayed silently, help me!  What do I do?

But there was no clear answer, only Rosetta staring at her impatiently just a few feet away.

"Well?" she asked and Sarah got the impression it was the final time.  There would be no more time to decide after this.  She felt her heart pounding, her hands trembling and there were tears threatening to form in her eyes as she thought of leaving Diana, but she knew she couldn't have killed this woman before her either and that if saving her gave them a chance to save the world and to allow her to see Thomas again...

"Okay," she said, barely believing she'd had the courage, or cowardice, to say the word, "I'll do it.  I'll help you."

Barkham smiled and Sarah supressed a shiver, "Excellent choice."  Another explosion ripped through the compound outside.  "Come!  There's no time to waste!"

Barkham ran for the big double doors of her study, which flew open even as she did so to reveal a trio of guards staring at them all in confusion.

"There they are," one of them shouted, but Barkham was running towards them, a series of glowing symbols forming in the air before her restless lips and then he and the other two were flying backwards towards the wall of the corridor, clearing the way and revealing once more the Countess’ callous attitude towards her followers.

I must always be wary, Sarah thought as she glanced at the crumpled forms of the guards in the corridor beyond.

Barkham herself was paused in the doorway, staring back at Sarah and beckoning her along.  "Hurry, girl.  We need to get to the submersible pen before Tiberius' men do!"

Sarah nodded and started for the door, but as she did so she heard a groan from the floor by the wall and turning, saw Diana rolling over and glaring at her.

"Don't do this," Diana seemed to be pleading, but there was fire in her eyes and deadly rage beneath her tone, "don't go with her..."

"I don't have any other choice," Sarah replied, unsure if it was really the truth or not, but knowing that there was no other answer, "I'm sorry."

And then she was out the door and Barkham was running ahead of her, the building shaking all around as the Lakhma faction increased their bombardment and all the chances to turn back, to undo what she was doing, seemed to be slipping away from her.

And I’m not going to take any of them, Sarah realised, with dawning horror.  I’ve made my decision and I’m leaving with the enemy.

God forgive me.

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