Episode VII - Kenning Kerring

A single flame appeared in the darkness, illuminating Siren’s face as she sought out the nearest candle. Ellis watched as she gently lit wick after wick until the kitchen was filled with a warm vibrating glow. Siren stood in the midst of it all and glanced around at the carnage. The Grinder had trampled most of the fixtures and fittings and the kitchen table was now in shards across the floor. Large portions of the wood had been so worm-eaten that it had just crumbled to dust upon contact. She sighed.

“First I lose my ship and now the closest thing I have to a home on dry land is gone as well.” She picked up a crumpled piece of iron. “I’m sorry Franck, I’m not going to be able to offer you that cup of tea.”

“This was your house?”  Ellis asked, then turned towards the Former Baron, “I thought you said they never followed people indoors!”

“They don’t, not without more intelligent direction,” Siren replied, looking at Von Spektr with intense interest, “You don’t think there’s a shaman or something on the streets, do you?”

The Former Baron removed his ridiculous top hat, revealing a small bald patch in the centre of his crown, and blew some dust off it, then he looked up and shook his head, “Oh no, I think I have a better theory.”

Siren followed his gaze and suddenly Ellis felt like he was under a microscope.  Siren’s eyes shot back to Von Spektr.

“Okay, you have some explaining to do!”

The strange old man laughed, popped his top hat on his head and nodded, “Of course.  Perhaps you’d like to accompany us on the rest of our journey and I can explain everything then.  We would appreciate the extra protection.”

“Are you willing to pay?”

“I’m sure something can be arranged.”

The city was as quiet as it had been before the Grinder began chasing them, quieter even, as it seemed there were far fewer distant roars than there had been.  Ellis tried to imagine the Knights his companion had mentioned, clearing the streets, one by one, of the monsters.  Siren, alert and ready for action though she was, seemed a little depressed.  Being a Slayer couldn’t be much fun without something to slay, he supposed.  She didn’t mope, however, she was too keen on extracting information from the Former Baron, who was equally as keen to offer it up.

“So, you’re saying that he’s from another world?”

“That’s what he told me and all that I’ve discovered so far has corroborated his story.”

“Plus it would explain those clothes and all the questions.  I thought he was a little, you know, slow.”

“Oh, no, no, no.  He’s actually surprisingly bright!”

“You do both realise that I’m standing right here, don’t you?” Ellis interjected, but neither of them was listening.

“But what does this have to do with the Grinder?” Siren continued.

“Did you notice how it was only interested in him?”  As soon as it saw him it was as if it had found what it was looking for.  They are very single-minded creatures, but even so, its focus on our otherworldly companion was extreme.”

“So, you think it could sense him?  That it was searching for him and that’s why it broke into my kitchen?”

“Quite possibly.  I’ll need to do some more research.  There are too many variables to be sure at the moment, but-”

“We are not doing more research, not if it involves me coming face to face with any more Grinders!”

“-but I have measured the patterns of his hypostatick energies and they are certainly very different from those of anyone in this world.  The aetherick shift alone makes quite a difference.  I developed a theory a while ago that Lithoderms might be able to sense hypostatick energy.  If that’s true, then Elvis here would be like cat-nip to them.”

Siren stopped in the middle of the street and wheeled around to face Ellis.

“Oh, so you finally notice-” he began, but Siren suddenly looked very fierce and angry.  He gulped.

“Did you hear that?  That means that you are responsible for smashing up my kitchen and endangering all our lives.  In fact, you’re endangering them right now, just by being here!”

“I though you wanted to fight Grinders?”

“I-” her eyes quivered, then she flicked her dark hair back from underneath her tricorn hat and stomped off ahead of them up the street.

Ellis turned to face Von Spektr, who gave him a thin, but sympathetic smile.  “What was all that about?” he asked.

“I think she was more attached to that kitchen than she had let on.”  He patted Ellis on the shoulder with one of his sinewy hands and then gestured ahead, “Come on, we’ve still got a ways to go before our destination, and it’ll be no good if we travel without our bodyguard, will it?”

“Just where are we going?”

“To visit an old friend of mine.  You’ll like him, I’m sure.  Oh, but don’t look into his eyes.  He doesn’t like that.  I learnt that the hard way myself!” he laughed awkwardly, “And try not to touch anything.  And don’t mention the cat…”

They walked quickly, doing their best to catch up with Siren, and the list went on.

Eventually they stopped at a small square on the top of a hill with fine views across the portion of the city they had just traversed.  The purple moonlight lit everything up in a way Ellis found hard to get used to, but in that light he could clearly make out the pyramid he had seen that morning, as well as a number of precarious-looking towers, a distant, blocky castle and a range of mountains, to name but a few of the features that caught his attention.  Behind them he could see the black expanse of the ocean, with several ships in full sail travelling across it.  Siren saw what he was staring at and gave a wistful sigh.

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?  I wish I was out there now instead of… but it’s no use.”

“I’m sure you’ll get your ship back.”

“I hope so.”

“Here we are!” the Former Baron declared loudly, his voice echoing around the square.

Ellis and Siren turned together to see Von Spektr standing in front of a shop whose windows were, remarkably, not boarded up and instead contained a colourful display.  The sign above the door declared it to be ‘Valter Kerring’s Hypostatick Mercantile, Purveyor of Fine Philosophickal Artefacts and Supplies, and Diverse Curiosities of Late Antiquity’.  Ellis couldn’t imagine that one being advertised in the Yellow Pages.

Von Spektr rapped loudly on the front door and yelled, “Kerring!  Kerring, my man, are you in there?”

Is that wise?”  Ellis asked as he stepped up beside him.  “It is the middle of the night, after all, and the Grinders might hear you.”

“Oh, nonsense!  There aren’t any Grinders nearby or we’d have heard them by now.  And Kerring’s an old friend; even if he actually slept he wouldn’t begrudge waking up and opening his door for-”

The door flew open, nearly knocking the Former Baron down onto the cobbles as it did so and a large, hairy, round man appeared in the space it once occupied.  He was dressed in something resembling a nightdress covered in stains and he smelt unpleasantly of carrots.  His feet were bare.  Ellis noticed his eyes were looking in completely different directions and that one was red and the other was yellow.  One of them flicked his way and he felt an overwhelming urge to stare at his feet.  Remembering what the Former Baron had said, he obeyed.

“What the ‘ell kinda time do ya call this, Von Spektr?” the man spat out, “I’m in the middle o’ a very delicate Pharmaceutickal process an’ you nearly made me blow me own roof clean off!”

“Yes, well, I knew you would be-”

“an’ Grimblegaw was sleepin’ – sleepin’! – for the first time in weeks!”  Now ‘e’ll be climbin’ the walls an’ swingin’ off me lamps again until I can make another soothin’ tea for ‘im an’ ya know ‘ow difficult it is to find Chucha down at this time o’ year!”

“Well of course, it’s quite-”

“An’ me neighbours ‘ave been complainin’ for the last week about all the noise I’ve been makin’ with this new process an’ ‘ere you are, makin’ me shout at the top o’ me lungs to piss ‘em off no end!  I ‘ope ya ‘ave a very good reason for all o’ that!”

Ellis felt those sinewy hands on his shoulders again and suddenly he was being shoved forward.  His eyes darted upwards and then quickly slid away to avoid offence.  The shopkeeper did not seem to be impressed.

“Kerring, I want you to meet Elwood-”

“Ellis.”

“-my guest and recent arrival from the other world.”

“The other… the other world!?”  there was a confused silence, then suddenly the shopkeeper’s tone changed completely, “Well, why didn’t ya say so before, Franck?  Come in, come in all o’ ya!  He stepped aside, creating a somewhat narrow gap between the doorframe and his extended belly which first Ellis, then Von Spektr and finally Siren were forced to squeeze through with Kerring chattering away the whole time.  “Form the other world, as I live an’ breathe!  An’ I see you’re doin’ well, aren’t ya, Franck?  An’ ‘oo’s this pretty little thing, then, eh?  You sly ol’ dog, Franck, what ‘ave you been up to?”

And so, gradually, they made it inside Kerring’s Mercantile and out of the strange Shadow night.

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